Every time I hear these words directed at me for whatever reason, my reaction is always the same.
I’m pretty sure I should decide whether or not I’m ready.
Whether the person saying it to me is wrong or right doesn’t matter; that final decision still lies with me, which is what always fascinates me when it comes to the reasons people give for why other people are not ready to settle down and get married.
My ultimate favourite ones are ‘you’re too young to get married’, and of course ‘you haven’t spent enough time on yourself’.
There’s this preconceived notion that you not only have to be at a certain point in your life in order to settle down, but that marriage basically dampens your fire. For some reason, people actually believe that marriage is the end of your freedom.
Now you see, I can get why they would get to that conclusion since that’s basically what the picture that television and social media portray. Social media has made so many things become acceptable simply because ‘a lot of people agree with it’, or a lot of people ‘have gone through it’.
But the shadiness of the sheep of social media is a topic I’m not diving into right now.
Much like how all relationships are different, I’d like to believe that marriages work in the same way. I’m a firm believer in that your life shouldn’t end just because you’re married, and neither should marriage be seen in that light.
For example, one of the things people insist that you should do before you settle down is to travel, but what if the idea of travelling alone is just not my speed? I for one would love to travel the world with someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with by my side.
I am yet to find out just what it is I stand to lose by wanting to share more of my life with someone else because all I’ve been offered as an answer so far is this coveted ‘freedom’ that people refer to. People are wired differently, and not all of us are particularly keen on the whole ‘doing everything crazy before I am tied to someone else’ thing.
The same thing can also be said about wanting to be a mother. Anyone who truly knows me personally, knows that being a mother is something that I really want for myself, except I know that it can’t happen for me now- not because of my age, but simply because of the point I’m at in life.
I’m just not ready to bring another person into this life when I’ve barely got my life figured out.
However, you could have your life figured out at age twenty, and you’d have a whole bunch of people telling you that you’re not ready to have a baby. You could be rich and in a stable relationship, and the same thing would happen.
Hell, there are people who tell newly weds that they can’t have babies immediately after they get married because they have to enjoy each other first.
What was the whole point of dating then?
Personally, I’ve never been the kind of person who did what everyone else was doing just for the sake of checking it off some list someone else deemed mandatory, and I’ve always been ok with that. I mean, I have goals and things that I want to do with my life. Some of these things are things some people would want to do alone, while I find that I don’t really mind whether I’m doing them alone or with a partner.
My point here is that people will always have an opinion on what you should and shouldn’t be doing with your life, and when you should be doing certain things in your life. The recurring thing here is that it is your life, therefore, I think only you would know not only if whatever it is, is best for you at that point in time, and most importantly, if you’re ready for it.
You live with the consequences of your decisions, so make decisions that you are ready to live with.