By Katlego Moncho
We live in a world that deems you as “borderline crazy” if you do not live up to the insane standards that they have set up. It seems like in this day and age, being a virgin means that you’re basically a prude.
I personally don’t believe in the term ‘peer pressure’ since I believe that we all make the choices that we want to at the end of the day, however I will not turn a blind eye to the fact that it’s real. Perhaps it’s more a case of strong will than anything; just how easily swayed are you as a person?
Virginity used to be something pure. Virgins in the past were considered sacred and being a virgin gave you a hell of a lot more credibility than you get today. Nowadays, TV basically hints at the possibility of you being hunted down for some sick ritual simply because you’re a virgin. It’s almost as though that’s all virgins are good for anymore.
We live in this new world that basically has deadlines for a whole lot of these things that you should’ve done by certain ages; things that used to happen ‘in the moment’ or ‘at the right time’. We’ve reached a point in the humanity timeline where ‘firsts’ are no longer as cherished as they used to be, instead we have rites of passage into the ‘cool kids club’.
Except, is the club really that cool?
You have eleven year olds telling you all about their first kisses, first boyfriends and girlfriends, and you sit there somewhat horrified at the very thought. Except I believe that kids can’t be blamed for these things.
I may not be a parent, but if there’s one important thing I know about kids, it’s that more often than not, they emulate what they see around them.
Yes, we adults are responsible for more than 70% of the stuff kids do, and this is achieved in numerous ways. For example, while TV subscription services like DStv offer you the option of activating the parental control feature. How many of us, especially those living with much younger kids and teens, can say that these controls are in place to control just what children are viewing?
Kids are exposed to so much content that is potentially responsible for most of their irresponsible behaviour. It is no secret that Hollywood basically has no shame or care in the world for what they produce, and if you don’t believe me, just sit and watch some of the more recent cartoons.
Yes, kids aren’t even safe from cartoons.
When I was younger, I thrived on cartoons like Powerpuff Girls, Tom and Jerry, Looney Toons etc. and back then all I knew was that I enjoyed the cartoons. Watching some of them today, I realise that even back then there was some questionable content in the very cartoons I always assumed were better than what they’re showing today.
But do you want to know what the HUGE difference is? The way in which the information was put across. Back then things were hinted at whereas today -it’s basically in your face. This makes kids curious, and a curious kid nowadays is borderline unstoppable.
Alcohol, violence, drugs, sex… it’s all right there in their faces, which brings me to my point.
While I could target all the other negative aspects facing the youth of today, I think I’ll just tackle the one.
Sex has become this big, casual thing, and the intimacy of it is lost for the most part. Lately it’s just all about hooking up. I believe the most common term now is ‘friends with benefits’ because people would rather have the option of having as many sexual relations with as many different people as they can, than to commit to one person.
I’ve recently been in situations where I’ll have a decent conversation with a guy who thinks he might potentially like me, until I spring the virginity card, and suddenly I’m no longer the great person that I was.
Am I ashamed of my virginity? Heck no! Do I want to do anything about it? Not unless if there’s a ring on it.
In grade 8 (2008), we went to camp at Bosco, to attend the Love Matters Programme. I’m not going to delve into it too much, but it’s basically all about teaching youth about their sexuality and making them aware of the repercussions of participating in a sexual lifestyle.
Towards the end of the programme, we were given Purity Pledges to sign, promising to await true love before giving ourselves up. Fast forward seven years later (late 2015) and I found mine. I posted a picture of it up on my Facebook page, and the reactions from my classmates from then were priceless. Most of them couldn’t believe that I still had it.
I’m Roman Catholic so for me the pledge is about way more than waiting for ‘true love’. For me, it’s about waiting for true love that I obviously wish to find in my life partner, being my husband. It’s very easy to wait for true love, but it’s also very easy to be blinded by the veil of true love.
What I’m saying is that I’ve heard a countless number of people talking about how they’ve met their true love or ‘the one’, and years or even months down the line, they’re no longer with that person. The ‘true love’ died.
I’m not saying that there’s a sin in giving yourself to someone at a moment that you consider to be special because there isn’t. There’s also nothing wrong with being a virgin, and I wish people who think of people who want to wait as judgemental people, could realize that they’re doing the very same thing by judging those of us who choose to wait.
You see, it all comes back down to willpower for me. How much of what the outside world has to say, do you let influence your decisions? Society today can very easily make you believe that there’s something wrong with you for being a virgin especially if, God forbid, it’s by choice. Well, I’m here to tell you that there’s absolutely NOTHING WRONG with wanting to wait for marriage or the right person. There’s EVERYTHING WRONG with letting anyone else dictate things about your life to you.
At the end of the day, how much willpower do you have to make decisions that are good for you?