Relationship or a Willing Transaction?

By Dineo Nyakale

For years women have been struggling and fighting the African perspective of what a woman’s role needs to be within society.

A woman needs to be the nurturer, the one that stays home and carries out household duties. The woman’s role is to be subordinate a man. Alternatively, a man dictates what will happen within the relationship.

Women you have to cook, clean, look after the children but most importantly make sure that your husband, the ‘head’ of the house is well looked after. Those were and still are the tales of the older generation within society. They would say that if you do not perform chores as a female then your husband would go out looking for a woman that will conform to the ‘rules’ society dictates.

It is surprising how we have fought against the idea of women suppression. Yet we are so willing to be blessed by older men. Is this not the same thing that women all over the world were fighting against? In order for women would be empowered in their own right.


So what is it?

Is it a relationship or a business transaction?

Where is the act of women empowerment in this situation?


At first it was society and now women themselves are their own suppressors. The self-respect and pride of being a woman in a society where you are not suppressed or even obliged to live by the expectations of society not realised. One could be their own person and in their own right.

The one question I ask myself is why a young lady would want to be a blessee. It can be said that it is the last resort for the financially strained. Sometimes it is done just for fun so that one could live a lifestyle up-to-date with the latest clothing trends, accessories and going out to expensive places without a care for the bill. But tell me this, what satisfaction does one get in spending money not worked for? I would be more empowered using the money that I worked for and not that of a blesser.

Ladies let us take the power back into our own hands! It’s never too late to take your life back and to ultimately make some changes that will empower the inner woman, the woman that had been quiet but now would have a voice to tell the world about the incredible things she has to offer.

The African perspective of a woman has failed and it was challenged by millions of women who wanted to be seen as an equal of a man in society and indeed in some cases a woman’s view is taken into account but most importantly a woman is respected as being human.

Gender is still a prevalent issue within relationships. A woman is still oppressed and her word equivalent to that of mouse. This is more evident in what I say is nothing more than a business transaction between the account payer and the service provider.

When will this end? The ongoing cycle of women not having any self-worth and also letting the man have the last word in their relationship.

I say to that young lady, having a blesser doesn’t have to be the last resort for you, instead you could go and knock on doors where you will be respected and loved for who you really are and not for what you represent or what you are “willing” to offer.

A relationship is meant to be nurturing, a safe heaven. Where love, respect and care are the foundation. A relationship is not a transaction where the one party will pay the other for services rendered or for expected services.

Now young lady tell me where in all this you are respected or even loved and please don’t tell me that you are not looking for love, for there is no human being who would say that they are not looking for love or even that they don’t want a relationship. What enrichment doesn’t the blesser offer you besides the excitement of that minute?

I ask the young women take back the power that they hold within themselves and that they don’t give these men the satisfaction that they are of superior for they too are doing all this to feel that they are men enough and yet in fact they lack self-confidence.

Ladies I say work for what your heart desires and don’t just accept it on what you think is a silver platter, for not only are you going to pay a heavy fine but you could in fact have your life cut short.

Sexual transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancies and even death. Are these the few things that you desired for your life?

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