By Zine Mabunu
We all, if not most of us, have experienced the phase of a new love. Where the beginning of a relationship is all butter on bread if not more like butter, knife and no bread. The butter being intimacy: the flavour that dares you to connect while the base is the environment that allows the flavour to mature. Some of us start with a base. While some of us seem to have it all but no base -we throw in the towel and let the universe decide. Why? Because we are ‘too young to figure out all that the future is’ especially because NOW demands so much of ourselves already, so you know what? ‘Let the universe decide.’
The real question however is, ‘when is one really ready to get into a relationship?’ While some may say that it’s when they find the man of their dreams. The tall, masculine, loving, everything, close to perfection MR who will sweep you into a white gown or without looking that far ahead to the passenger seat of his car, left side of his bed or perhaps his heart (oh, yes! Don’t we all want to be loved after all).
After having had many girl chats on lunch dates out and long sessions through cocktail Sundays confiding with other women when it comes to men, 3 out of 3 women have ended up in No Fantasy Land and that is as real as dreams get when you’re a young woman trying out this “relationship thing”. Not all dreams become reality.
There are many factors that one has to consider, these are called the pros and cons of two and that’s what a relationship consists of: two individuals that are willing to label one another as boyfriend or girlfriend. When do you know that you are ready? Whether you are making the right choice? Whether your partner is the right person for you? You never do. You leave it to the faith that the signs they have shown you are genuine enough to take a chance on.
You sit your being down, self-reflect and weigh the pros of you being in a relationship against the overlay of cons or visa versa. Divulge in thoughts such as your will to compromise; will you lose more than you gain; is it for the right reasons; how will it change you; are you willing to change that way and; is it more pressure or self-consent?
We hear that communication is an important aspect in relationships and, all the times that that has been said, trust that it has been truer than true every single time. You must set out to ask every question you need to in order to clear your conscious because it is easier to know what you are getting yourself into in the very beginning rather than when it is too late drenched in self-doubt and regret.
Scrutinize yourself and your reasons first before doing so with those of the next person’s. Only when you have calmed your waters may you come to conclude whether you may be hungry for bread and butter and if that will fill you up.